August

Mike hadn’t yelled…yet, but he was somewhat confused and very much embarrassed. He had just seen the people who were his great aunts and uncle. He hoped. Otherwise it was going to get even more embarrassing.

“Um,” said Mike, who had no memory of ever meeting these two supposed relatives before. This is often the case with many families. Certain events, such as that of a child going away to college for the first time, especially if the trustworthiness of the said child was in doubt by an adult who filled the equally dubious role as a single parent, usually leads to the discovery of previously unknown relatives in Far Away Places.

"Um," said Mike again. “Hi.”

“Mikey!” cried the elderly woman enthusiastically, engulfing the unfortunate boy in an equally (over) enthusiastic hug. “You must be Mikey. You look like Mikey. Your father have called and told us aaaalll about you,” she reached up and patted the boy on the cheek. “Right, dear?” She asked her husband, who grunted.

WTF? Thought Mike. Or Michael. Or anything but Mikey. Sure some Shakespeare guy from way back when had said that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet but Mike was no f-ing rose and his opinion of the Shakespeare guy, like his opinion of all other literature guys, were limited to four lettered expletives.

“It’s Mike,” corrected Mike stiffly, gathering himself to look down his nose at his great aunt, who was at least a full head shorter than him. She had hair like electrified carrot shavings. With gray streaks.

“Of course it is, Mikey,” said his great aunt with another squeeze. “You hear that, dear?” She added to her husband, who grunted.

Mike, being a relatively fast learner, decided against speaking again and devoted his energy to freeing himself from his great aunt’s awkward embrace. She displayed an amazing amount of tenacity for someone her age and size and released him only after giving him a wet smack on his face.

Whatever Mike, qua ‘Mikey’, expected from this meeting, it wasn’t this.